


Heart Heavy

by elijahking (orphan_account)



Series: Neutralization [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Mistrust, Night Terrors, Nightmares, PTSD, sans pov, sleep paralysis, suicide implication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-28 21:43:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5106743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/elijahking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this sequel to Blue., Sans struggles against the demon that has possessed Frisk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Could Have Been Me

**Author's Note:**

> im feeling up to writing today. have this. written differently than how i usually write. its not all fun and games.  
> i'm putting in some elements of stuff i experience during sleep like night terrors and sleep paralysis. i think sans would experience them, too. we have a lot in common.

i want to be dead.  
that’s it.  
i want to be dead.  
it could have been me, it _SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME BUT NO IT W **AS PAPYRUS THEY JUST HAD TO GO AND KILL PAPYRU-**_  
no.  
i knew what they were doing.  
i’ve seen it time and time again, and it’s time it stopped.  
i want to rub their diry little face into the ground until there’s no trace of them in this or any other timeline.  
even their rare good runs, with all that sweetness and smiles..  
hah!  
how could i believe them?  
it was all going to reset, anyway.  
their name tastes like acid in my mouth, my anger rising with each breath i took.  
Frisk, Frisk, Frisk, _Frisk, frisk, Frisk, **Frisk, Frisk, Frisk**_  
enough is enough.  
their stupid overconfidence, their stupid strut, their stupid unholy destructive hands, their sins their  
i'm too bitter for this.

Papyrus is calling for me again. They must have reset.

* * *

 

His voice jolted me, stirring me out of my stupor. In a moment's breath, I'd expected to see that horrific child standing before me again, knife brandished and gleaming a reflection of their bone-rattling smile. The hollowness in their eyes reminded me much of myself. Empty. More than in a physical sense. It seeped out of my bones, like a shadow, stalking me, reminding me:

_it's all going to reset. just give up._

I _know_ this. I also know that in a few days time, they will reappear out of the Ruins door, hands coated in dust and a sick smile plastered onto their face. A marionette for the devil inside of them.

Papyrus was barging his way upstairs already, yelling to get me to wake up. I couldn't face him. Not like this. In a flash of blue, I was gone, far off in the seemingly endless marshes of Waterfall. Sorry, bro. Knowing what's going to happen next...  
I can't afford not to care.

The echo flowers babbled back and forth, on and on into eternity until it all just became white noise. Some whispers were filled with wishes, howls of laughter bounced around and inside jokes traded, passed on. I wandered to my spot. My special spot, the one flower that no one else could reach. My flower. It still hummed the low melody of my last phrases spoken into it.

"the human did good today."

I wanted to shred that fucking flower out of the ground by its roots. Had it really been that many resets? Had it really been that long since I had hope? I barked a single, hard laugh. The echo flower repeated it back to me.

Timelines come and go, but the wishes of the echo flowers remain the same.

I leaned forward, close enough to touch my teeth to its neon blue petals.

"don't trust the human."

* * *

 

I counted the seconds down in my head.

Ten, nine,  
_Sounds of struggle from afar_  
eight, seven, six,  
_footsteps_  
five, four, three, two,  
_a small body hitting the door ___  
one, _ _  
_creeeeeek___  

"here we go"


	2. The Wolf and The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You bring the wolf of the woods into your home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this entire series is probably going to be based off of music  
> please listen to mary epworth she is magical
> 
> and, yes, the proper term for a baby rabbit is a kitten. the word "bunny" is cute, but I think sans would be a step above that, no?

i don't sleep anymore.

i don't think i even remember what sleep is like.

it's too painful. a lot of the time, my body forces total shut down, but i can't stay asleep.

not when i keep seeing death.

i wake up, trembling, afraid, wanting to scream, but no words come out.

i can't move, i can't breathe. i can only stare into the darkness until i black out again.

 

it's a vicious cycle.

 

* * *

 

 

The door struggled to open under the weakness of the small, empty, trembling hands of the human child. 

 

I don't understand why I keep calling them that, though. The small demon child. Yeah. They have a name. Frisk. Sure. Seems appropriate, the way they slip in and out of pockets of time, stealing lives. I learned that name during one of their nicer runs. There were only two. One, they stopped halfway through. The other... they got so close, so close... and ended it all.

 

Frisk stepped forward into the snow, cringing at the sound of the door slamming behind them. Ever determined, they stuck their hands into their armpits and trudged forward. I kept my usual eye on them from the trees. Come on. Slip up. Show me that awful face of yours. Let me destroy it. If I had a heart, it'd be beating loud enough for the demon to hear it. Instead, the thrum of my magic pulsed in my bones, begging for a release. With each crunch of the snow, the need rose. A young rabbit, a wild one, hopped into the path. Perfect. Frisk stopped in their tracks to stare. Go on, kid. Kill it. Show me what you're made of. Carefully, they approached the kitten, hands falling to their sides. They shook their sleeve, making something slip out of it and into their hands. I recognized the plastic blade immediately. They hadn't changed one bit... but why start over completely?

 

The look on their face was careful, but not... dead. Their lips remained taut and shut, curling in on themselves. A step closer. The kitten raised its head, tilting its ears and whiskers this way and that, curious to the approaching stranger. Frisk raised the knife a little higher, closing in. I wasn't just going to watch, of course. I shot a quick, tiny blast of magic between them and the kitten, shocking them and making the kitten scamper off. Frisk was completely frozen in place, eyes wide and mouth agape in a gasp. Their eyes slowly inched to look at the knife at the side of their face and upon seeing it, they dropped it like it had been burning. They fell backwards, scrambling away from the weapon, fear in their eyes.

 

What the hell?

 

The child curled up into a ball, fingers grabbing at the mop of brown hair on their head, choked sobs emitting from their chest. They rocked back and forth in the snow, mumbling and screaming to themselves incoherently. This... had... never happened before. I tutted a sigh, cursing my soft heart for crying kids. I couldn't help but feel a little bad for them, much as my violent thoughts wanted to just kill them where they stood. 'Course, I had a part to play. I stepped out of my little hiding spot in the shadows. Their head snapped up, face fearful at the sudden noise.

 

"hey, kid," I said blankly. Their eyes widened even more, and they turned onto their stomach to quickly scramble away, turning back to face me for only a second. But in that second, not looking where they were going, they ran right into a tree. I wanted to smack myself for witnessing such stupidity. They got to their feet, groaning in pain, but turned back again and pressed themselves to the tree. They extended their left palm, face up, and sharply brought their open right hand down at a 90 degree angle.

 

_Stop!!_  They repeated the motion a few times, heavy tears streaming down their face. Shit. The kid signs. I scratched my head, feeling at a loss of what to do. Could they be acting? Probably. They took their right hand, palm against their chest and rubbed it in a circular motion. _Please._ That hand balled into a fist, still going in circles. _I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry,_  they alternated between the two.

 

"oh boy. kid, you know i can't do that. after... after everything that's happened... i gotta end this." The anger inside me swelled again, replacing any pity that had grown. "just a precaution, you know? it's better this way."

 

With a flick of my wrist, they were in my control. In the blink of an eye socket, they were tossed like a rag doll across the path, limp and unresistant body slamming carelessly into the treetops. Instead of holding them there, I let them fall, branches and twigs breaking along with probably at least half the bones in their body. A sharp cry of anguish came from their mouth, a genuine pain. A genuine regret. Doesn't matter, though. I was getting pretty tired of their antics. I turned, feeling the magic in me becoming an aura of spite and bitterness. They struggled to lift themselves from the snow, which had started to turn pink from blood. I did them a tiny favor and lifted them onto their knees. They continued to cry, but didn't even look at me.

 

"you know it's over, right?" They nodded. "great. glad we've come to an agreement."

 

I was ready to snap their neck, and they would have taken it, too, if the call of my name hadn't snapped me out of it.

 

"SANS!!"

 

"shit." I shook myself loose. Papyrus couldn't see me like this. Frisk fell motionless in the snow, so I kicked up a little onto them, hoping Papyrus wouldn't notice them when he passed by, and teleported the hell out of dodge.

 

 

* * *

 

i want this nightmare to be over. 

 

please. god. i don't want to see him die again. i don't want to see anyone die again.

 

_Too bad._

who are you?

_Hee hee... Don't you know?_

stay away from me.

_Ah, well, today's your lucky day! I've had my fun, Sans._

fun? you think this is a game?!

_All of life is a game, my skeletal friend. But I'm growing bored of this. So I've come up with a new game. It's called 'watch the skeleton suffer'. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?_

stop. please. go away.

_I'll never go away. I'll always be here. watching, waiting for the perfect time to arrive and make it all come crashing down._

 

i feel weak. 

i can't do anything to help.

i can't do anything to stop it.

just let it end. let me forget.

 

* * *

 

 

I tried to blink the burning lights in my eyes away. I had fallen asleep again. I didn't sleep in my bed anymore. No one did. I slept where sleep happened, and sleep happened after I left the demon child to freeze in the forest. I could only pray that Papyrus was safe. I felt exhausted. I'm so tired of doing this. I tried lifting my head from the ground, but gravity won that battle against me. A pressure weighed in on me. 

 

God damn it, not again. I will not fall back asleep. I will not succumb to my own weaknesses again. I forced myself to move, one limb at a time. Toes curled, check. Fingers flexed, check. Knees bent, elbows out. Okay, I thought, I can do this. I felt sweat dripping down my skull. I didn't even know where I had landed myself until a familiar smell hit me. French fries? Man. Of course I'd go to Grillby's. I crawled out from underneath the booth I had somehow gotten myself under, brushing off dust casually. Glancing around, I saw that everyone was there. The town... was... safe? And crowded? Bubbling with life? I chuckled, giving a wave to the patrons, _my friends,_  before exiting the greasetrap. 

 

My first stop was to check the path between Snowdin and Waterfall. Papyrus... wasn't there, thank goodness. No signs of dust, either. Just a bunch of dirtied snow from what might have been rough housing. I then turned back and went home.  _Home._ A place that's not real, but it's there. The first thing to greet me when I entered the door was the sounds of one of Mettaton's programs blaring on the television, coupled with Papyrus' booming laugh. A smaller, cuter laugh came along with it, and it felt like someone had slapped a snowball against my vertebrae. I slowly turned, seeing Frisk, healed, and... happy, on  _my_ couch, in  _my_ home, with  _my brother._

 

"OH, SANS! YOU'RE HOME! LOOK, I CAPTURED A HUMAN!!" He gestured to the demon, whose laughter immediately died down.

 

"...papyrus..." I started shaking.

 

"I KNOW! UNBELIEVABLE, RIGHT? WE'RE JUST WAITING FOR UNDYNE TO SHOW UP!" I squinted, glaring at Frisk, who crawled a little closer to my brother. I stopped myself from coming between them.

 

"...good job, bro," I said through gritted teeth.

 

He had brought the monster home.


	3. Slip Into Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slip into blue, as the nightmares come to you  
> The last thing you see, you can't turn away from me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not really sure where i'm going with this so bear with me if it gets a little freaky  
> also, when Frisk is themselves, they use sign, when Chara takes over, they speak. hope this helps any confusion as to why i go between the two.

The world around me spun. The colors of the room blurred, and all I saw was blue, blue, blue. I was falling, I was hitting the ground, I was falling through the ground, glitching out.

Stay away, stay away!

Nothing but blue. The cold of snow. The cold of death. Gripping. Pulling me further down, down, down into the deep, dark abyss.

A pair of hands, reached out. Palms facing each other, swipe across from left to right. _Sans._

A scream, an echo of a distant memory. Laughter. A knife slashed across. Red. Blue. Red.

Fingers pinched to the side of a face, slowly opening. _Wake up._

The world is ending.

Hands, fingers, faces, everywhere. Beams of light. _Wake up, Sans. Wake up._

Papyrus crying.

* * *

 

"Sans. Stop. Please, brother..."

I took a shaky breath, blinking away the veil. A hot fire burned in my left eye socket.  _Shit. What happened?_  

"S..sans..." The smaller voice coughed. The fire grew hotter, taking over-

"DON'T HURT US!"

-and dissipating entirely.

"...p...papyrus...?" Despite not having a throat, the word came out dry. I could finally see... what I had done. What I was still doing. The blasters, at least a dozen of them. Hundreds of sharp, pointed bones. All hovering. All pointed at Papyrus. But where was-

A scream of rage indicated the demon flanking my left side. I reflexively sidestepped around their lunging body, and in their hand... was the knife. Shit, why hadn't I gotten rid of that damn thing? 

"what, you think i'm just gonna stand there and take it?" I muttered without thinking. 

"SANS, HUMAN, PLEASE, I-"

"papyrus, you need to get out of here." Well, not so much 'out' as 'away', since the front portion of the house had been blasted open during my blackout. "get everyone out." I turned my focus back to the huffing child, who looked... almost pained. They flipped the knife up into the air, a teary smile on their face.

"...so this is what it's gotta come down to." The knife moved around in their fingers, blade pointed inwards, towards their torso. "It's been real, Sans. Real fun. See you soon."

I kept forgetting just how much damage a plastic knife can do if thrusted hard enough. 

"HUMAN, NO!" Papyrus shoved past me, scrambling to their side. "OH NO, OH... oh no, no, no, I...I believed in you, I..." He sputtered a sob. "I... we... Sans, we could have stopped this..."

"there's no stopping the ill will of true evil."

They'd be back, anyway. The breathing of the body slowed, energy drained so badly they couldn't even muster up any tears. My brother placed a gentle gloved hand on their face, stroking their hair.

"They were just trying to be good. They fought so hard for it. They were really trying to remember who they were... not who they were forced to be."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so! this will be the end of heart heavy! but! But!! it will continue on! in the next series, Always Gold, which is basically the backstory of Papyrus and some headcanons and junk about timelines and stuff and the first chapter is gonna be nothing but backstory i'm so sorry   
> i'm feeling a little blah right now so the words aren't coming out quite right


End file.
